I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
That's how pantless uber rides happen
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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