This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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