vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
