Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
