I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
