he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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