i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
