Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
