i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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