It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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