can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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