Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
