We named our party play list daddy issues
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
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