I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
