I want to stick my p in your. b.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Randomize
