So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
