but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize