I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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