she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize