A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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