He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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