I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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