i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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