check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
