My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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