Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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