I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
