just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize