My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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