I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
