I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
