My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
