Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
We need to rekindle our bromance
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
