Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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