his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
you inspire me to be a worse person
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
