i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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