I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
