Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
