but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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