the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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