I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
