how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
