I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
