i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
