come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
