I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
