I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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