I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
