they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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