like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
