I don't remember. Are we still dating?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
