hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
