Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
