I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
