He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
