discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
