Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
