just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
