You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Can i not drive my cunt home
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize