why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
