I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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