I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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