i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
