She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize