matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
