I think I died a long time ago.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
