I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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