I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
