Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
