There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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