Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
