dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
